This mommy’s parenting will always be in style

Welcome back to Thursday, as Jodi at The Noise of Boys and I take turns with our True Tales from the Pink & Blue Trenches series. We’re going to change things up here at True Tales, as we begin to focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly side of parenting. With two toddlers each, we are both “newbies” on this journey, and we’re going to chronicle it for you as we go, learning, loving and laughing.

This week, it’s Jodi’s turn, and she’s pondering the seemingly never-ending question of, “what’s your mommy style?” Are you a helicopter mom or a tiger mom, a co-sleeper or an early trainer? Do you let your children have a tantrum in public, or do you only take them out when you’re sure it’s a safe atmosphere for fellow moms? Parenthood is a minefield, and that just includes the questions that a curious 4 year old boy likes to ask. Join us as we decide, This mommy’s parenting will always be in style.

This week, I decided to ponder the parenthood battle of the infamous mommy style.

Like, as in clothes? No.

As in parenthood. Did I learn something new? Every day.

Looking back at this month, I experienced anxiety, joy, sadness and pride in various situations. The only concrete message: Who I don’t want to be.

I had an eye-opening experience at a child’s birthday party, was surprisingly asked what a virgin was, saw sheer joy emanate from child, was amazed by the self reliance of my toddler and was let down by a fellow mom that I greatly respect. It was a circle that ended in a revelation.

Am I a helicopter mom? Should I try to be a tiger mom? Did you know there is a book on how French moms parent specifically in regards to dinner time? I have read Toddler 411, How to unspoil your child fast and Superbaby. I am surrounded by strong, beautiful mothers online and in real life.

I fully admit, I get some things terribly wrong.

An example: The birthday party.

My son has talked endlessly about his friend at school and was invited to his birthday. His first non-relative party. He was elated. It fell during his nap time, but he is 4, so naps are not always a must. Just remember, Hayden is not a good night sleeper. I must tell you, I was eager to meet my child’s best friend and his parents.

He was one of 5 or 6 boys and was obviously the least confident and aggressive in the group. I was the only parent who stayed during the party (I had never met the parent). Hayden obsessively asked to play with LEGOs. (LEGOs were mentioned on the invite, and we know he has a slight obsession). He cried, he tattled and at times he verbalized to me he felt left out. He sobbed, because another child was pretty rude and ignored him when he asked to play. I quickly hugged him and actually told him to shake it off and move on or we would leave.

In retrospect, I still do not know how I should have handled his emotions, except I should have done it privately. My response served no real lesson and probably looked REALLY bad to the hosting mom. Hayden asks everyday to play with this child, and I am not sure his mother was impressed with OUR behavior.

Sometimes I get it very right.

At the library sat a mom, who was hard at work on something. Next to her, a sleeping baby in a car seat and (running around like she consumed 3 espressos), a 6 year old girl. The girl very badly wanted Hayden to play with her. She whisked him over to the children’s area, and I sat by in earshot observing Henry. This little girl was dancing, tumbling, singing and trying to get Hayden to do the same. Every now and again, her mom would say, without looking up, “Make sure you are behaving!”

I heard Hayden tell her several times he couldn’t do this or that or jump on the furniture. Then he suggested, “Let’s read.”

I was proud of my son and after a short while, I politely excused us and left. It wasn’t for me to reprimand another person’s child. In the car, I expressed how glad I was that he behaved well. I felt sad for the other child, she obviously needed time to burn off that energy, and it wasn’t her fault the location chosen was not appropriate.

Sometimes I have NO clue.

Hayden asked me, what a virgin was. Several times. He wasn’t letting this go. He mistook the word “version” in a previous reply and zeroed in on that word. I maturely helped my son sound out the correct word. Then I immediately pulled my husband in to a separate room and laughed very quietly.

The day I actually have to explain virgin, WAY WAY WAY in the future, I will tell him this story to buy me the time to figure out what exactly say.

Then there are the moments where I wonder

A Facebook post from a respected community member, acquaintance and fellow stay-at-mom read, “Mom Bloggers needed to get over themselves” and much more. Several other moms I know in real life began to chime in about how “(mom bloggers) think they are so perfect” and we needed to “get real.” I can’t lie, it hurt. I am a proud mommy blogger. I can only hope she visits my blog, because I would welcome her with my sloppy crafts and recipes that aren’t always Pinterest perfect.

In response, I left a friendly comment, but in the morning plenty of other bloggers had been more direct in their response. It wasn’t my place to pimp my blog in her post and it’s not my style.

I am a real mom. I don’t fit a “mom style” or mold or category.

I am emotional, I make mistakes. I worry excessively that I am messing up. Sometimes I watch with wonder. I laugh. I cry, and I learn as I go. Sometimes, I hover too much. Sometimes I need to be more structured. Sometimes, I should have let it go.

Is there a particular right way to parent? Every generation, culture (even some mothers) thinks they have the perfect method. I change with the situation, the day and often, I might handle a situation based on my individual child.

I am never on any one style, but I am always present and open to learn.

What about you? Do you follow a particular parenting style? Do you let the situation dictate it for you? Share your thoughts with us in the comments, because we love to read them!